it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize