I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
