you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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