I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
