She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He? As in you personified your dick?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
