but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
