I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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