All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
