i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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