omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
