just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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