that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
