This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
