We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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