I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
