I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
