Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
