U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
