last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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