sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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