she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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