i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize