just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
