That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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