so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
