I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
