i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
