we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
