he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
