i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
