i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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