I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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