well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
