mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
