i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
