the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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