More tranny stories later!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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