Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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