this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
