John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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