Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
