Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
