I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just want nice things and good sex
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
