You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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