At least make sure they are 18
Why
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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