You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
