Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
