if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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