Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
