After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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