If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
