Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
