I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
