I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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