so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So many bounce houses so little time
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm always down for nudity.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
