I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
