i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
