How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
