Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He felt like a one man threesome
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
