Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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