Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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