doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize