just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
