We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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