I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
