why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
