This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
