Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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