i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
