So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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