Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
