just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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