i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
