The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
